Restlessness

The last few weeks, I have been feeling incredibly restless for some reason and my sleeping pattern has gone absolutely insane - even now, it's 5am and I am almost wide awake, having been awake since 2pm the previous day - So, what is going on with me lately?

It's a rather peculiar feeling, like I should be doing something - I just don't know what!

I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out if it's because I have an appointment or something that I have missed, but it's not that - I don't have any Hospital appointments until next week - test results!
Maybe that is it, I am sub-consciously anxious about the impending test results - but I don't think it's that either, after all, I am used to all these appointments now and in an odd way, have accepted them as part of my routine now, as frustrating as they are.

What is also strange is lately, the least likely people have been paying me some very nice compliments. I'm not used to it! People saying nice things to me I mean - especially one of the people that messaged me on Facebook. I'm so cynical - it could mean nothing, but after a lifetime of ignorance, nastiness and unpleasantness - I am used to being the 'ignored' one, the silent one sitting in the corner talking to no one - and that's how I like it, now all of a sudden people are being nice and wanting to talk to me. I am wary, embarrassed and dumbfounded - literally!
I'm nobodies fool though, I'm cautious about these people and very careful - i'm not a niave teenager any more.

I feel like everything is changing, i'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing at the moment, I don't adapt to change very well. Change in the past has been linked to one too many bad experiences.
Maybe I over-evaluate everything, but i'm not one for 'throwing caution to the wind', I am meticulous in everything I do.
I plan everything carefully and execute the plan to the letter - Obsessively!
Even now, here on my blog I am over analysing everything - you can see that, right?

Maybe change will be good for me - do everything in opposite, instead of planning - do everything on a whim, without thinking about it. Scary!! Everyone tells me that all the time I am planning and worrying, I could be out there doing it! Perhaps they are right, but I am not ready to take that plunge yet - but now it's in my mind, I will keep thinking about it - and one day, who knows! But for now, what is 'Healthy' for me is to continue on somewhat the same.

All this...I probably just need a shopping trip. Some retail therapy.
What do I need?
Nothing as such, however, next week I am actually going to sort my first Adult Passport out at last
(My child one ran out in 2006 and I never got it renewed into an Adult one - until now).
My biggest promise to myself is to use it for an 'International' trip at least once during the 10 years validity.
It will get it's uses though, most places that require some kind of I.D preference a Passport anyway, or you have to start digging around for at least 3 other forms of ID - and that drives me bonkers!

It is true though - Retail Therapy does exist and it's a wonderful thing. Until you see how much you have spent!