Anger Issues

I have been told by a Doctor that I have 'Aggressive behaviour issues' and that i tend to respond to everything in a argumentative manner. As much as i dislike Doctor's - this is the only thing I can agree with that the Doctor has correctly diagnosed.
I haven't always been this way, I have always been submissive, mellow and easy going.
Over the last couple of years, my Anger levels have risen - which at first, I put down to a rise in Confidence and knowledge, but now I feel the Anger.
All of my life, I have never got anywhere by being submissive and just accepting everything without questioning anything, because confidence was a huge issue for me, as was shame and fear.
I still have the fear - but the shame is long gone, so now I am left with Anger.
Anger is Soul destroying.
Nothing keeps the Anger at bay - venting/complaining doesn't work for me and only frustrates the people around me (Which is something I loathe doing!).
I have so much to be Angry about - but that is just excuses, isn't it?
I am not physically violent, but the tone in my voice has changed - to an aggressive manner, I can feel it, everything I say comes out in an aggressive way - and I hate it, I can control it, but not to the extent i would like to.
I have never really had counselling for anything - I saw a psychiatrist when I was 9 for being bullied at school and I saw a Child & Adolescent team when I was 17 for some other issues, but I have never truly opened up about my problems - Trust is another major problem - the things I should have talked about, I never could.
The Anger and trust issues have built up over the last 16 years, and sometimes I feel like I could hit someone - and I have never hit anyone in my life!
So the next book I will read will be about Anger Management, and I have finally decided to take up Running to see if I can release some of my pent up feelings. My preference is to deal with everything myself, It will probably be my downfall one day, but how can I burden someone else with my problems?

Hospital and Shopping

Hospitals - I hate them. I have always associated them with Death. 

I need to go though, it's got to the point now where I have no choice. 

But the Hospital I went to is the worst - I avoid that Hospital at all costs if I can, but unfortunately I needed an urgent appointment and that is the only one that could offer me an urgent one.

This particular hospital I associate with some very bad points in my life - as a child, I was constantly there because of bullying-related illness and one of the worst experiences of my life as a teen. So being at that hospital brings bad memories i'd rather not think of - the hospital has not changed much either, so that doesn't help.

I could feel myself tense up the moment I walked into the main entrance and felt very on edge, I couldn't wait to get out of that place. The consultant I saw ordered a Blood Test to be done, so with my form I went along to Phlebotomy - I couldn't believe my eyes, it was manic in there and it was only 9.30am - the worst part? They had only just called number 75 and I was number 6 (They count downwards). So I found a manager and told a little white lie, saying I had another appointment in 25 mins and needed to hurry up.

I don't normally like pushing in on the queue, but I had to get out of there and fortunately, they fell for it and I was seen straight away. If I never have to go back there, it won't be too soon. I can't stand that place, I was out of there in record time - 40 mins later, when I got outside, the relief was enormous and I hurried away from there as quick as possible.

After, in true tradition - I went shopping. I needed to though, It helped me relax - and my Mum's partner owns his own business in the same town, so I went to see him after, that calmed me down - just having someone I know nearby helps alot. I enjoyed the shopping trip and got some more fantastic bargains, but I was also glad to get home, my feet were killing me and I was exhausted - I find hospital visits so draining, and it shows, because this time I left my keys in my front door - usually I will cross a road and almost get run over or trip on something silly (like my own feet!), i get exhausted and I am a danger to myself.

So here is what I spent on my shopping trip:

Bon Marche: Yoga Trousers, 2 tops = £19.50

Ann Harvey: 3 Tops = £14.00

Debenhams: 2 Tops, 3 trousers = £20.15

BHS: 4 tops, 1 pair of trousers = £22.50

Primark: 4 tops, 3 pairs of leggings, 2 packs of socks = £24.50

Brunch: Hash Brown & Lemonade at McDonalds = £2.00

Travel: £4.20 (Used to get Taxi's - Saved £30+ if I had of gone by Taxi)

Total: £106.85

Bargains :-)

Self Reflection

I have been reading alot about Self Discovery lately, learning about myself.
My entire life I have always 'followed' others, I have always been a pleaser - Doing everything to suit and make everyone else happy.
But where do I draw the line and start thinking for myself?
Over time I have realised, I have no idea who I really am.
Most people in life never discover their true selves.
To be completely at peace and settled in life, you need to learn exactly who you are and what you want.
My life has been one huge rollercoaster ride - but at some point you need to stop riding, get off and try something different - Now is my time.
I have reflected on so many aspects of my life lately - My childhood, teen years, family, friends, boyfriends and choices i have made.
Every step of the way there has been learning curves, sometimes some very hard lessons learnt, but these are the things that have allowed me such a turning point in my life.
I never had much of a childhood, I had to grow up very fast, my teen years were plagued by insecurities, anxieties and never really fitting in, family was the only 'constant' in my life until that was blown apart, never really having friends - just fitting in, boyfriends that have been terrible - drunks/drugs/violent and needless to say the many, many choices i have made over the years.
I haven't quite put the past behind me, but I am learning more about the 'future me' and who I want to be/who i am becoming. Even my lifestyle is changing - for the better.
I am more picky with regard to many things - the major one is Men.
My previous history is 'Bad Boys'...but i took that to the extremes. The 2 serious boyfriends i had - one was (and still is!) a vile, violent drunk and the other is another violent, drug addict (or possibly a former drug addict), who is currently in prison on a very long stretch. A few other 'casual' relationships never worked out.
I attracted these kind of men into my life because of the low opinion of myself - at the time i felt i didn't deserve anything better, but now i know different - that i do deserve much better. I certainly don't feel like a target for every desperate creep any more.
It's taken me and will take me a long time, but i am finally learning about the real me. All my life i have been selfless, now it's time to be a little selfish in order to be happy.

Shopping for a soon-to-be 2 year old

It is actually hard work trying to buy for a 2 year old's birthday present!
It's such an awkward age - there isn't much out there for that age group, the things that are 2 and under are too babyish and the other things are for 36 months+
I wanted to get my Niece a Dolly set for her birthday - she loves playing with dolls, but do you think i could find her one? Could i heck!!
I managed to get her a few cute outfits and a book titled 'Stories for 2 year olds' - very apt! She loves books too. I still want to get her a dolly set, so i guess i need to try somewhere else.
I will find something - usually at the last minute.
I feel the need to spoil her a bit - she gets left out sometimes and it's sad to see it.
I surprised my Grandad by going to see him today too - I took him a chocolate cake, doughnuts and some dark chocolate - all his favourites, which i had bought while i was out - he was so pleased to see me!
I treated myself to 2 tops and a Tatty Teddy pyjama set too.
It's amazing though really, i bought so many little bits and pieces and only managed to spend about £40 - probably even less than that.
It has been a long day - i feel totally exhausted.
4 bus rides, 2 train rides and 1 taxi ride would exhaust anyone though! So i need to rest for a few days - I have a hospital trip to make this Friday and the following Monday - and they take a heck of alot out of me. So I will be staying in until next Friday for sure, i need to gather my strength, as silly as it sounds.
I hate being this way - just one trip out totally wipes me out physically and mentally, and takes me 2-3 days to recover from - right now, i feel like i have been hit by a bus!
Time to retire to bed...

Hopes & Dreams; Travelling

What with feeling ill, I decided to do some research and reading on travelling - This always cheers me up.
I have read about parts of the USA, Canada, Asia (Russia), Australia, Papua New Guinea, New Zealand and other smaller islands. There is so much to read, I am enjoying learning about new places.
Today I have been reading about Thailand. It's not somewhere i am particularly fond of nor top of my list of places to visit, but the more i read about Thailand, the more fascinating i find the place and am actually growing to like it.
The most appealing thing is the amazingly beautiful beaches and how cheap it is there - On my calculations, you could get by relatively easy and comfortably for 3 months with just £1500 in your pocket - maybe even less if you rough it, unfortunately though, there are a few creature comforts i just couldn't live with out.
As with everywhere you go, there are positives and negatives, it would not be possible to visit everywhere in the world i want to go - you could only do that if you have unlimited funds.
Part of me is concerned though, with my illness, I wonder if my dream of travelling and constant reading about it will set me up for a harsh fall - at the moment travelling more than 10 miles is impossible, let alone globe-trotting thousands of miles and being away from home for months, possibly years.
I am determined to make the 'impossible' possible, but the dream appears to be distantly fading.
I remember when i was 21, i set myself a target that i will go travelling and be travelling on my 30th Birthday - this is just 3 and a half years away, so i don't think it will be possible, health wise and financially.
So here is a new target - I WILL go travelling by my 35th Birthday, if i don't do it by then, i never will - i will be too old. I have missed the best years of my life having this rotten illness, I am going through a stage where i am starting to feel old - I need some of my 'Youth' back - meaning i need to feel my age, I am still young - I am only 26 still but i feel like i am 50. Being stuck indoors for 10 years is really starting to drag me down, I have missed out on so much, i feel like I have been like this forever.
There is a whole wide world out there i need to feel, experience and see, my dream and hope is that one day i will experience 'the unknown world', because there has to be more to life than one room.

Run Down

For the past couple of days i have been having a very sore throat and cold symptoms, this evening i feel rotten, i feel so run down and keep crying all of a sudden.
My throat is incredibly painful - I don't remember it ever being this bad - and i have had recurrent Tonsillitis for over 15 years! The pain isn't helping the tears much - nor is my Dad's smoking.
I told my Dad his smoking was increasing the pain - and actually making my nose feel like it's on fire and making me sneeze, which in turn hurts my throat more. He apologised - and half an hour later lit up another one! So there i was, standing outside at midnight in the freezing cold because of another one of his insensitive actions and the fact i can't breathe properly, and i am standing outside, realising i have no where to go. No friends. No family (well none that would like me showing up at midnight).
I have nothing - i haven't even got my health and my sanity is questionable.
Everywhere above my shoulders hurts - and my stomach as usual, i feel exhausted, Generally unwell, tearful, depressed and totally fed up.
So now, my throat feels like it's been slit with a rusty old knife and nose burnt with a soldering iron!
I have spectacularly had enough...

My Heroes

Seeing that it is thick snow outside, I decided to re-acquaint myself with the family tree today and it got me thinking.
How did my Ancestor's cope with such cold weather?
Today, everyone has Central Heating or heating of some kind, at least. Back then, if someone had said 'Central Heating', can you imagine their faces? They would be baffled.
I honestly don't know how they coped, all huddled together in one room, cuddling each other to keep warm - which is why diseases were so rife. Then there are the ones that had to work outside - Grave Diggers (Can you imagine trying to dig solid, frozen ground with just a Spade? No digging equipment like today!), Hawkers (Street Sellers - up at 3 or 4am and selling right through to 10 or 11pm), Gardeners and such like, never being able to go home to a fully warmed property and most of the time, never being able to have a hot bath.
It's funny what we take for granted - I love being able to have a Bath, this would be a luxury to my Ancestor's though. Back then, they had the 'Public Baths' - but who would want to Bath in full view of everyone? Especially when the Baths were dirty, lice & Flea infested and diseased waters.
They were true Grafters though - and there were no such thing as State Benefits. Poor Law money was incredibly hard to claim, and the majority were below the poverty line.
But for as many that died, many more lived.
Suffering was undeniable, many women lost all of their children before they died (I read on the census for 1911 - one woman was widowed, had 16 children, lost 14 children and only 2 survived according to that census) due to lack of health care and poor living conditions Poverty was widespread. Disease was rife. Conditions were filthy. No one had anything. Yet somehow, they marched on with pride, never giving up - probably because they never knew anything different.

Undoubtedly, My Ancestor's are my Heroes.

Medical Confusion...

See entry from 1st February 2012.

I visited my Doctor today (again) and i don't know what is it, but i always seem to come out more confused than when i went in. I thought Doctor's were supposed to clarify things for you, so you don't worry.
No chance!

If you read my previous post, you will understand what this means.
After discussing my 'options' with my Doctor, i chose to refuse yet more medication in favour of seeing an Endocrinologist at the Hospital, this will hopefully give me the much needed clarification on whether i actually need to be on all these medications and hopefully, what is actually making me feel so ill.
It seems to be down to my hormones, but until i see a specialist, how will i ever know? I cannot take medication forever, when the cause isn't even known.
That is ridiculous.
It's like giving someone Antibiotics for a Virus - entirely pointless.
It took me 10 minutes to 'persuade' (well, insist!) that i see an Endocrinologist. He was determined NOT to send me to one, but persistence won out, i stood my ground and won this battle and he wrote an 'Urgent' referral letter. So 1 - 0 to me!
My results came back from the hospital already, i was only at the hospital on Tuesday, it is now only Saturday  - and the results were sent immediately to my Doctor's the next day! I wonder if my GP surgery is sleeping on the job - that was 3 days ago!
Anyway, as usual and predicted, my Prolactin levels have come back highly abnormal - actually the highest they have been to date.
Apparently, the Prolactin levels should read under 500 mIU/L to be classed as normal.
My results read 2382 mIU/L
I feel like this should be investigated properly before medication is dished out like smarties! There could be an underlying condition causing this problem and may need a different kind of medication to treat the underlying cause. I will only take medication if i have a confirmed diagnosis. I continually explain this to the Doctor's i see, but it doesn't seem to get through to them - i will NOT be fobbed off with pills every time, it is a quick fix it, but long term, it probably does you more harm than good.
Watch this space!

Self Evaluation

Doing a little googling, I came across a rather interesting website (marcandangel) with 50 questions that are worth answering.

Having read through the questions, i found them rather intriguing, so i decided to copy, paste and fill in the questions on my blog. 

They really do get your brain thinking about life.

These questions have no right or wrong answers.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Mentally, i would say 30 because i consider myself to be at a stage where i know what i want from life. Physically, i would say 35 - 40 - i have a few grey hairs! 
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Definitely never trying - How would you know if you can't do something unless you try.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Because we don't have the luxury of doing things we always like doing, life isn't intended to be easy, it is full of challenges - How else would we learn? 
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? Probably, most people will have too. We all say we are going to do something but never get around to doing them.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? Selfishness. If the world wasn't so selfish, then world peace could be possible - many things stem from selfishness - Greediness, Power, Authority - people fight to be 'better' than others, it therefore perpetuates the cycle of selfishness.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Helping others who cannot help themselves. There is no better feeling and rush than you get than someone smiling at you because you helped them.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I am settling for what i am doing. My illness prevents me from doing what i believe in, but i have hopes that one day it will all change.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I would find more fulfilling things to fill my time, i would help others and go travelling and see the world.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? I am a big believer in Destiny. Life is a series of events that cannot be controlled, if you are destined for something, it will happen one way or another. I have some control over my life, but the bigger things come along when you least expect it.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? A balance of both really, however, I always live within the bounds of the Law and doing the right thing every time is what bothers me more.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? Walk away. People that are unkind to others are not worth knowing, because one day, it is inevitable that they will turn on you.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Live life how you want to, not how others want you to.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Absolutely, Love is unconditional. 
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? That is a tough one, i would say yes, not in a major way, but when i have written a frantic letter thinking it is full of rubbish, i read it back when i have calmed down and think 'Wow, that is actually quite good'.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Everything. I try to be different. I'm not one to follow trends immediately, i prefer to be individual, unique in some respects. Being a sheep isn't what makes you stand out, being yourself earns you more respect.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because everyone is different. Personalities differ. Hobbies differ. If everyone was the same, the world would be a boring place.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? I really want to go travelling. See the world. Experience different lifestyles, cultures and places. My illness is holding me back from doing this.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes. There is one thing i spoke out about many years ago, but it hasn't been spoken about since. It's about finding the right person to discuss it with though.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? There are many contenders here, but i would have to say Australia, simply because of how vast it is, you could spend a whole lifetime exploring Australia and still not see everything.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I avoid lift's. But in the past i have used them, it is strange how out of frustration you continually push the button, but you know it won't come sooner.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? A worried genius. You need to be smart to get by in today's society, now if it was 100 years ago and i was asked then, i would select joyful simpleton, simply because of the lifestyle today.
22. Why are you, you? Because i am. There is no answer that can define who i am. I was born, I was taught values, love and kindness and that moulds the person you become, then as an adult you learn things from a new perspective that teaches you how to be who you are. 
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I like to think so, no one is perfect, everyone has flaws.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a friend who lives right near you. At least when your friend moves away, distance is a reason for not staying in touch, but when a friend lives near you, there is no justified reason - except growing apart - why you cannot stay in touch.
25. What are you most grateful for? My family. 
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? I would rather lose my old memories. My life does have a few good memories, but there are alot more bad ones, so being able to start fresh would be lovely.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Of course, it's how you look at things, if you can accept the truth instantly, then it's not a challenge, but if you are sceptical, it becomes a challenge.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? I have many fears, equally great and yes, some of them have come true.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? Not really, I don't have many memories from then. 
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? My happiest memory was when I was 8 and on holiday, we celebrated my birthday altogether as a family in the hotel and the manager went to the effort of making me a beautiful birthday cake.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? I was 17 and had been through a really tough time, then I met a lovely man.
32. If not now, then when? That is a tough question to answer, too many variables.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Theoretically, nothing. This question could come under the section of failing or never trying.  
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Many times. Sometimes just being with someone makes you feel fantastic.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because there is a fine line between love and hate. Just look at Siblings - they constantly argue and fight, but if one of them was in trouble, the other sibling would be there. With religions at war, it's a similar situation - it's about who is the best at worshipping and why one is better than the other.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Never. There are some situations that can be split between good and evil before they occur. But there are many that creep up and cannot be seen until the good/evil happens and it's already done. 
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Theoretically, if i was working, then no i wouldn't. Why? Because that million dollars will not last forever.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work that i enjoy doing. For the simple reason that to get pleasure from life, you need to do things you enjoy doing.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Yes, it's called routine. 
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? When I considered setting up my own business, i still believe in the idea.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My family and a few close friends, also the graves of lost family.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No. Why would anyone do that, if they won't live long enough to reap the rewards from it? 
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is just existing. Truly living is about experiencing everything possible within a lifetime, dying happy and fulfilled.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? When the opportunity comes along and not letting it pass by with regrets. 
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Because the next mistake may not be rectifiable and make a significant difference to life as we know it.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Walk onto a beach in a bikini - or even go to a nudist beach.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Quite often actually, when i relax or prepare for something i do deep breathing exercises.
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? My family - they are everything. A simple phone call or seeing them and i feel their love.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? Doubtful, if i did, i think i would have to seriously question where my life is going.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? At the end of the day, i always make decisions for myself, i do take on board the advice of others when the decision is big, but you always have to decide for yourself or regret sets in.

I hope you find this interesting - Try answering the questions for yourself too, it isn't easy, is it? 

Pharmaceutical Confusion...

So after the hospital visit yesterday, today i have had a little time to do some research on the medication the Consultant wants me to take - and all i can say is - I am confused!

The consultant has requested that i take something called Cabergoline.

Upon researching it, it is prescribed for people with raised Prolactin levels - among it's other uses (in Parkinson's disease and Prolactinoma's - or in Layman's terms - technically, a certain kind of Brain Tumour).

My blood tests have shown on several occasions that i have elevated Prolactin levels, the cause is still unknown. I had an MRI done last July, which has been cleared and shows no evidence of this kind of Brain Tumour. However, it is still a concern and the Doctor has prescribed me this medication. After the problems i have suffered in the past with being prescribed medication unnecessarily, i am concerned as i don't know why i would actually be taking the medication - I mean, i know why i have been prescribed it - My Prolactin levels are raised, but i don't know why i should take it when i don't know what is actually causing my Prolactin levels to be high.
There are many negative side effects to taking this medication - So why should i take the risk, when i cannot get so much as an explanation as to why i need to take it?
If they haven't found anything physically with an official diagnosis (other than an abnormal blood test), should i really put my health at further risk by taking medication for an unknown reason, simply to adjust my blood test results? Surely, finding the actual cause is more important that using me as no less than a human Guinea Pig?
These are all questions i continually ask the Doctor's - and they really DON'T like it when you question their Authority, therefore, i can never get a straight answer, which strengthens my belief that i shouldn't just simply take the medication.

I have taken medication in the past that has severely damaged my health - and who's to say that has damaged my health long term (it may well be that what is causing my problems now). I only learnt a few years down the line that i didn't need the medication and that i was being overdosed on 7 times the normal dosage of what i should have been on - and that was none! No wonder i was so ill and 'lost' 2 years of my life (for 2 years i cannot recall anything - 2 years of memories gone). This is why i am so reluctant to take any medication now, unless i thoroughly check it out - reading medical journals, data, statistics and as much information as i can find, before even considering taking it.
Obsessive - maybe.
Cautious - Definitely!

So, i have decided on this occasion - i am AGAINST taking Cabergoline, until i have official diagnosis and for that, i need to see an Endocrinologist. I am happy with that decision and have no regrets about not taking it. After all, i have waited all this time (4 years now), a few more months aren't going to hurt.

Hospital Drama's

So yesterday i went to the hospital.
I am so glad i left a bit earlier than i normally would - traffic through the main road to the hospital was horrendous, they were doing roadworks and had those annoying temporary lights, that seem to be very temperamental with changing over. However, eventually i managed to get there - thinking i would have around 15 minutes to sit down, get settled and relax for a bit before my appointment - no chance with the traffic the way it was. I got to my appointment with about 2 minutes to spare.
I needn't of rushed though - since the Consultant was running late with his appointments, i eventually went in just over an hour after my appointment time.
I find that highly frustrating, you make the effort to get there on time (most of the time being early too!), and the Consultants can't even be bothered to turn up on time/keep to their appointment schedules. No matter, it's done with - for now.
I have to go back in couple of months for a follow up to the tests the Doc ordered.
After the hospital, i had a little look around the local superstore, but couldn't stay there long, my mind was concerned with the snow outside - and if it settled more, getting home would have been a huge issue.
Public transport seems to grind to a complete halt when the slightest bit of snow falls - and that is exactly what happened yesterday - a little snow, bearing in mind none had really settled and the bus stopped. Yikes!
Fortunately, the snow was starting to ease up a bit, so i got the next bus to the high street and done a little shopping and managed to get home fine - thank goodness.
I tend to have an 'episode' if i start thinking i won't be able to get home, although, if i absolutely had to, i would have walked the 6 miles home!
So, the shopping after the hospital. What did i buy?
Well, keeping with tradition - More clothes of course!
I have eased up a bit though, not buying as much as i normally would, i still didn't do too bad and what i did buy was in the sales (of course!), if i can do it, i very, very rarely pay the full price for something.

List of what i bought:

• 5 tops (including a thick fleece top) - at the bargain price of £17.33
• 2 pairs of jogging bottoms - £10 for both pairs
• Scarf, Gloves & Sparkly Beret - £4.75 for everything
• Slippers - £2.60 for the pair

I do find the bargains! I absolutely love a good bargain.

Why pay full price for something when it will inevitably end up in the sale?

Even if it doesn't end up in the sale and they sell out, is it really a great loss? 

I don't think so, since a bargain can always be found if you look hard enough  - and you might even actually find something better, i usually do!